The Fatty Underbelly, Overbelly and Sidebelly of Going On a Crusie
I’m back from the cruise, and still recovering. There will be more in-depth reports coming, but let me just start this whole thing off by showing you what happens when I decide to take caution, tie it up, put a bag over its head, shoot in the face three times, submerge it into a block of wet cement, allow it to harden, then throw it off the side of a boat and let it sink into the bottom of the ocean.
(Author’s note: I was going to include a picture of an obese belly at the top of this post, but it made me feel sick, so I’m not gonna do it.)
I gave myself a total free pass, along with a much less discerning palate, while spending seven days on a cruise ship with two restaurants, all-you-can-eat buffets every day and 24-hour free room service. So as I said, more information will be forthcoming. But in the meantime, while I pick up the pieces of my life and attempt to lift my stomach up from off the floor, allow me to present to you the full and unabridged list of everything I ate for seven days on a cruise ship (also including our land excursions). But first, I’ll add one terrifying side note: I came nowhere near to eating the most food of anybody on the cruise. Our country, in case you didn’t already know, can consume a lot of food. Here was my contribution:
2 tacos rice and beans
8 pieces of sushi
Half plate penne marinara half salad
Snapper with potatoes
Cold peach soup
Scallop ceviche with coconut milk
Turkey club and chips
2 eggs, hash browns, half an English muffin, tea, orange juice, blueberry yogurt
Chicken taco rice and beans
Hot dog, potato salad, mixed green salad, pasta salad, BBQ chicken leg, pinneaple wedges and potato chips
Slice of veggie pizza
Crab cake, cream of mushroom soup, beef Wellington
Cheese and crackers
Triple decker club sandwich
Scrambled eggs with hash browns, ham and bacon
Conch fritters with cole slaw and French fries
Couple bites of fried fish
Penne primavera
Pasta fagiole, tuna tartare, seared fish with arugula salad
Slice of pizza
Beef broth and crackers, mixed green salad
2 eggs sunny side up, 1 egg over easy, nonfat yogurt, 6 pieces of bacon
Mexican appetizer plate
Penne bolognese and salad
Crab cake, beef and root vegetable soup, veal schnitzel
2 Slices of pizza
1 mini croissant and hash browns
Red bean soup, half cayman style shrimp, half chicken curry, salad, rice and beans
Meat lasagna with salad
Lobster tail, arugula salad and lobster bisque
Slice of pizza and fruit cup
2 eggs over easy, hash browns, wheat toast, smart start cereal
Ceviche mixto and whole fried red snapper with rice, tortillas and pipil
Rice, potatoes, half ear of corn and seafood salad
Mixed green salad, beef broth and crackers
Wheat bran cereal with bananas and skim milk
Rice with green curry shrimp and chili beef
Slice of pizza
Plate of Mexican food
Lobster bisque, chilled asparagus with roasted tomato and mozzarella, new york steak with vegetables and mashed potatoes
2 slices of pizza
Bagel with cream cheese, onions and lox
Mixed green salad
Bagel with cream cheese, onions and lox
